So ya know those books? Those books that leave you feeling like you’ll never be the same, that life as you know it has ended, that all things pure and joyful are over? Ya, I did. I’m here to talk to you today about the very stressful and disorienting thing that is a book murder, ie: death by book, ie: a nasty book hangover that leaves you wanting millions of gallons of coffee, Advil, and a large pair of dark sunglasses to block out the cruel world for days.
There are some books that leave you so disoriented it’s hard to speak in proper sentences for at least ten minutes after the last page. This type of book usually has a surprise twist ending that leaves you so baffled and utterly destroyed it’s hard to go on without saying, what…the…hell. These books stab you in the back when you least expect it.
Ex: The Amateurs literally left me saying “what” for about three minutes before I could fully understand what happened. I just could not wrap my brain around the ending and maybe it was the lack of sleep from binge reading the ending, but I was just dead. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
The Slow and Painful Death
These books typically make you rethink everything you have ever known and will ever know for years to come. You know the book’s heading towards disaster, but for some reason, you keep reading. They play with your emotions and your fears and make you scared to carry on living your pure little cinnamon roll life. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Ex: The Age of Miracles took me so long to finish. I could not take the depressing story for large periods of time and when I eventually did get to the ending I pushed it to the back of my shelf afraid that if it was facing outward it would look into my soul. Beware, it can smell fear.
The Stabbed In The Heart Death
These books typically make you cry. A lot. Like you’re a blubbering baby who knows no words. You will feel things. A lot of things. Things you probably do not want to feel. These are good books if you just need a good cry or just to be dead for a while then rejoin the world afresh. Warning: you will not enjoy these books if you are dead inside already.
Ex: Every Hidden Thing had me so wrapped up and emotionally invested. I have to warn you the start wasn’t the greatest, but the ending is what brings you home. I was definitely crying happy and sad tears.
The Swift Ninja Star To the Gut
Similar to the Betrayal, these books usually end in a cliff hanger that you could literally not be any more angry at. They leave you screaming at the pages, (like all good books should) and then
impatiently waiting for the sequel that seems like it could not possibly come out any later. You would honestly wait until the end of time for the next book to know what happens to your precious babies.
Ex: The Mark of Athena. So hard not to spoil the ending, but just prepare yourself for disaster. *glares at Uncle Rick*.
The Natural Death
These books are typically a series you enjoyed immensely and have poured hours and hours into reading the books, waiting for sequels, and buying all the merch you could possibly buy. You are so invested in the books that you could practically recite every word by heart and slowly as more and more books come out you realize that the last book is coming and then finally when it comes and you finish the last page it’s so bittersweet.
Ex: Harry Potter. Obviously. Any book nerd knows the sadness of the series being over and then getting the meh book The Cursed Child to fill our hungry hearts. *tears*
SPEAK TO ME! I AM DEAD!
Do books kill you too? What’s do you think is the worst kind of Book Death? Are there any books I missed that kill you?